Beauty in the Eye of the Creator: You’re Beautiful Momma
Hey there beauty!
Today I wanted to take the time to talk about self image as a mom…. I know, I know, it’s not something we want to think about, how does our beauty measure up now that we’re moms? But the truth is, I think about it. A lot. It’s kind of embarrassing to say, but I have thought about my image way too much. Layla is almost a year and I’m just now starting to feel good in my own skin again. I think it took a lot for me to get to this place and I wanted to talk about it because I thought maybe it would help other women and not just moms, but anyone dealing with a negative self image. Now I look back and I am upset that I had to deal with a negative self image and what I put myself through because of it.
Now be easy on my because I’m going to share my heart here… I remember not wanting to be in pictures with my beautiful baby because I thought I’d ruin them. I didn’t want her to see me that way, I didn’t want to see myself that way. I didn’t want my husband to see me. I don’t know why but I wasn’t prepared to still have a baby bump without a baby in it. It’s so stupid and now I wish I had more pictures with her. I remember being pregnant looking at advertisements for baby gear that would show a beautiful picture with a glowing mom and newborn and I’d think about me and my baby to come and having those sweet moments. Then she got here, and I felt those sweet moments, but I didn’t want them documented because I wasn’t beautiful. (remember, be easy) Then I’d see similar advertisements and feel nothing but bitterness because I realized those are models not moms who just had a baby.
I also remember that every time we went out, I wanted to hold Layla, not because of my love for her, but because of my insecurity. I thought if people see how big I am, but then see me holding Layla, then maybe they’ll have some grace because they know I’ve just had a baby. I just felt awful about myself. I was also dealing with a low milk supply so there was no way I could start dieting.
This is crazy to me even as I’m typing this out I feel foolish and shallow, but I’m also tearing up because I can still feel those feelings when I think about it. I don’t know if any of you can relate or still do relate?
I wrote this one day when I was on maternity leave:
“Today I was looking at Layla in amazement, as I do quite often. I was so blown away at her pure beauty. Will she ever understand how beautiful God made her? I want with all of my heart for her to see her purity, her joyful spirit, her contagious smile and everything about herself as true beauty.”
I’m sure as a mom you feel similarly about your children. Or maybe there is someone else you feel that way about. Do you see the beauty in someone that they can’t see about themselves?
I think about psalm 139
He knows things about her that I, her mother, still haven’t had the joy of discovering and some things that I will never know.
God created Layla to be Layla. She is unique to any other human. God made her to be perfect to him. I look at her and can only imagine how much fun God had creating her and I know he smiles when he thinks of her. He loves her perfectly and she is perfect to him. He hand picked every detail about her. The shape of her nose, the sound of her voice, her sweet but strong willed character, her laugh.He knows things about her that I, her mother, still haven’t had the joy of discovering and some things that I will never know.
Where is this going?
As I thought about that I realized, he did the same for me. God hand picked everything about me. I am unique and He is in love with who I am. He smiles when my competitive side comes out. He gave it to me. He loves that I get quiet in new surroundings and I just take everything in. He gave me that nature. He thinks my jokes are funny, even when no one else does. He gave me my big teeth and dirty blonde hair. He thinks they are beautiful and knew my husband would too. He formed my body and reformed it as I got pregnant, as he was knitting Layla together inside of me.
Here is more of what I wrote:
“He (God) took time and care creating who she is and who she will become. She is sin free in a fallen world and it is so beautiful to me. I get nervous when I think about her future because I am her example. She will probably view things a lot like I do. Does she see the beauty in her spirit? Will she feel this pressure to be like other people, to change? Will she feel like she isn’t good enough the way she is? A lot of it will depend on whether I do about myself. As I thought about all of this looking at this perfect child I thought about myself. I do feel these pressures, I once was like Layla. We look alike (from what I can tell in my baby pictures) we acted alike (my parents say I was such a happy baby). Layla is always content and usually smiling as she was when I was gazing at her beauty today. What happened? Why don’t I feel that way about myself?”
God created me with joy just like he did with Layla, he probably smiles when he thinks of me. He probably thinks I’m so beautiful and every detail about me he knows and loves. I think about how I want my husband to notice me. How I long for him to adore me. To love my creative mind, to gaze at me while I’m busy washing dishes, to love my body, to get lost in my eyes, to watch me walk away. I kind of think God does that. It gives me confidence to think about that for some reason.
Every detail that I wish Mark (my husband) would notice, God hangs on to. He created me, I like to think that I created Layla and I look at her with such pride, but really God did all the work and he loves her more than I do. I’m sure he feels that way about me. Every minuscule detail about us God hand picked to shape who we are as a whole.
Beauty in the Eye of the Creator
I can get caught up in what I think I should look like, and compare myself to other women or to my old self. The conclusion I came to is that I am beautiful. It doesn’t matter what the world says or implies about beauty. True beauty is in the eye of the creator, my creator. He knows beauty better than anyone. He created beauty. How can Layla see her beauty if I can’t see mine? Im physically beautiful, my mind is beautiful, my soul is beautiful. I need to see it. It doesn’t do anyone any good if I don’t. How do you feel about yourself?
Do you realize how beautiful you are?
God hand picked every detail about you too and sees you as lovely, perfect, beautiful. Do you see that? Will you accept it? I love what Mark tells me when I’m feeling insecure about my body. He says “I love your body. It tells a story… 6 years of marriage and that baby, and it’s beautiful” I love that he reminds me to shift my perspective and what a beautiful thing it is to have a body that tells a story. It’s so true, my body does tell a story. My stretch marks tell how my body shifted inside and out to fit our little girl in there and as she was growing, strong and healthy, my body grew for her. I’m nursing and sometimes feel like I look all saggy and baggie, ya know? But that tells a story too. It’s so amazing that I can do that. What story does your body tell?
You’re Beautiful Momma
I guess I’m telling you all of this to say. Please don’t be discouraged about your body momma. You are beautiful. He created you. He formed you and continues to form you, just like your baby’s body is constantly changing for its purposes, our bodies will constantly change for the rest of our lives. I’m not saying it’s okay to be unhealthy or stay in an unhealthy place. I’m just saying have grace with yourself and LOVE you! I hope this helps someone out there.
Leave a comment: What makes you feel good about yourself? What mind shifts/perspectives are helpful for you to have? Or if you feel bold enough, tell me what you love about you?
love and hugs,